Happy Birthday, Daddy.
Today he would've been just 65 years old and as I write this I still can't believe he's...gone. It's been two and a half months and I guess you could say I'm "coping," but really each day that goes by is just another day I miss him. Every, single day I think of him.
I try not to think of him for fear of my heart aching more and more, but then I want to think of him to remember our amazing memories. He made me laugh so much. And he knew exactly when to check on me after a bad day. Now when I have a bad day, I think of him and wish I could get his text.
Someone told me that eventually I won't cry every day. Right now I guess I cry every few days. And when I think about it, I wonder. I don't wanna cry about it the rest of my life, but then if I'm not crying or sad, am I merely letting him go...forgetting? Of course I want my life to go on, but it almost feels terrible at times to go about my normal business as if nothing happened. What keeps me going is that I know he wouldn't want me to be sad every day and would want me to enjoy my new little family. He loved us all so much.
Daddy was such a great person. A hard-to-buy-for-person. Most birthdays I wound up giving him some new-fangled soap or shampoo that he would ask me about as is if he cared. And then he would literally use every drop because he always ended up loving it. He still had some in his shower.
For many years, I handmade his cards. I loved doing that. It was the writer in me early on. Later in life, I bought them, but always had to search for one that said "daddy," his fav name.
On his birthday today, it's hard. It's really tough, actually. I think about every little thing because every little thing reminds me of him. Especially on his birthday. There is no card or present today...just sadness.
Some of his very last words were to my mom: "tell Julie I love her." I wish I could've been there right in that moment he said that. Daddy, if you're looking down right now, I love you so much and always will. One day I'll see you again. For now, I continue to pray for the peace that passes all understanding.
Thank you as a reader of this blog for your continued support. Please continue to pray for me and my mom as we deal with this tragedy. Thanks.